I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize