what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
