i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
