I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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