is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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