Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
