dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
