Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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