She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
