Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
