if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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