Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
