I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
