Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
