we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
