I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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