We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
