dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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