woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
