Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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