so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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