Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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