I am puke
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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