Swine flu. Run for my life!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
