I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
