your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
