We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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