New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
