so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
