So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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