I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
