I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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