What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
