After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
As shirtless as possible
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
