i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
