Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just invented taco cereal.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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