people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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