Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
