I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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