one two three fourrrrnication!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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