im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
