this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
