so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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