Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Randomize