yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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