A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
