I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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