sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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