3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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