That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
