Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
