So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
