We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
