Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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