I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
