fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
