Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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