Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
