Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
