If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
