You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize