y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
