I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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