I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
MIDGETS
????
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
