Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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