i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
