I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
