I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
