i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
