So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
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Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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