Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He did a backflip because drugs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
